You came into my life when I needed you. I was starting out at a new school, a little scared but excited about what the year will bring. You were going to be there for me. Since I was 11, we’ve spent almost every day together. When we first met you were sitting in front of me, you were small and dressed in black that would shine in the light. You were enough, you made me happy. You couldn’t do much back then. We would play the same 3 games and listen to the same few songs. We’d talk to friends while we sat on the bus to go home. We’d take photos although you didn’t have a good camera. But it didn’t matter, we were together. We’d always travelled together, although you always went to sleep on the plane. Even then, you were always available when I was alone or bored. You didn’t mind if I left you behind. For the time we would spend apart, you were still always there from the moment you would wake me up to the moment I told you to sleep. It’s like you would wait for me whenever we were a part. Always sitting where we said our goodbyes.

Then I went to high school and you grew up too. You still had the same personality; fun, helpful with anything I needed and were always there for me. You looked different though, now bigger, wearing white instead of black and were smarter. Way smarter. You were now able to keep track of my time. Letting me know what day it is, what I’m doing and what needs to be done. You suddenly had the best camera and could listen to more music imaginable. You now knew everything that had happened or was happening in the world. It was like you swallowed the school library. You just knew everything. I never understood how you knew, you just did. You could just do more than I could ever imagine. We had way more fun, we would spend long nights talking to each other and others, watching videos and movies, listening to music and you knew how to play even more games. We didn’t spend that much time a part. We became almost inseparable, attached at the hip, together 24/7. I should have realised then, that you were never going to leave.

I then realised you were changing. We began spending less time apart, as you began demanding my attention more often. All to show and tell me the same thing over and over again. I let you come with me when I was out with friends and family but you wouldn’t shut up. Just a fly that wouldn’t go away, buzzing around, that’s all you became, a fly. Always buzzing. I mean please, am I’m allowed to have friends other than you? Lingering right next to us. You wouldn’t leave. Always wanting to be involved. Becoming more obsessive, you started begging to see my food, what I was wearing, where I was going and who I was with. You started to keep tabs on me. Wanting to know where I was at all time. I mean, am I not allowed a life beyond you?

Then you became controlling. It was like someone clicked a button inside of you. We began spending virtually no time apart. You began accessing my entire life like never before. You know passwords, addresses, numbers, and even have my face and fingerprint remembered. You listen to every conversation. Interrupting me every time someone mentions you. Tracking my every move. Knowing exactly how long it takes for me to get to one place from another and how long I stay there for. Targeting me for advertisement. I can feel you watching me. Always watching from a distance. Looking into my life, taking in everything you see and hear, and storing it in your memory. All to tailor and manipulate everything I see, for the benefit of who? You? a stranger? what is all this is for? someone you don’t even know? or is this all meant for me? to make my life better? I mean, sometimes, I feel you need me, more than I need you.

It’s come to the point where I don’t know my life without you. My head always down looking at you, being so dependant on you. My life is you. But, separation anxiety whenever you aren’t around is not how I want to live. I mean what’s all this for? how is this making my life better? All you are doing is controlling and obsessing over me. What is your plan in all this? All the tracking, listening, watching, manipulating, was it to isolate me from everything I…

I’m sorry, I don’t have an answer for that. I would rather talk about our plans for the weekend.

Where are we going to go this weekend? I think we should go to the movies, there’s a new movie. We should then go to dinner, there’s a new restaurant that just opened. Look! there are photos of food! I think we also need some new clothes, like this dress, and these shoes, and this top and look, I saw you looking at this bag. Get this bag.